


Jisung's Perspective

by CHRISpyCHEESus



Series: Jisung's Parade [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: AU- Felix and Jisung roommates, Angst, Anxiety, Drinking, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Feelings, Felix is a hard worker, M/M, jisung sleeps around, mentions Day6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 00:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21090491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CHRISpyCHEESus/pseuds/CHRISpyCHEESus
Summary: Jisung tries his best to distract himself from his feelings.





	Jisung's Perspective

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this is tagged correctly now! My AO3 app is not showing things correctly and it's almost 2am so I am not about to boot up my laptop to check. This is a Jilix, Sunglix, Jisung x Felix fic. I'm sorry if it's still tagged as Minsung. THERE IS NO MINSUNG ON THIS FIC. I usually write Minsung so the tag is automatically filled in when I post. Apologies for that. I hope it's fixed 😖
> 
> This was a short I have had saved since June 2019. I finally sat down a wrote the whole thing. I even decided last minute that I wanted you guys to have both perspectives. This is Jisung's. Enjoy!
> 
> I also threw together a small playlist of songs I listened to while writing. Honestly I listened to the entirety of Day6 discography but I chose the few songs that set the mood the best. Spoilers: They are all angst filled and sad.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4RP2GQNe45dHn4L5CRXnJ0

Jisung was struggling. He had moved in together with Felix and within a couple of months he realized he had caught feelings. He had started dating a girl he knew from college. They were doing good, he really liked her, but he found himself getting bored. When she texted him to hang out he felt he had to force it. In the end they broke up. Jisung moped about the apartment for a few weeks before a girl at work asked him on a date. He agreed. They had fun going out to eat and she enjoyed watching him and Felix play games together, but just like the last girl, Jisung fell into disinterest. Blowing her off to hang with Felix on the weekends. She called him after the third day of him blowing her off.

_ “I don’t see you outside of work anymore, what’s going on? Is it something I did?”  _

_ “No, I don’t know. I think it’s me, I have a hard time committing.” _

_ “Except when it comes to Felix. You drop everything for him. I’m not mad that you like him, I just wish that you were straight with me about it.” _

_ “Me and Felix are just friends….” _

_ “Uh huh, look no hard feelings, I knew this wouldn't work out. You guys are cute together though, see you at work.” _

Just like that Jisung’s whole world was flipped. He never thought about Felix like that, but the idea of doing all the things he’s done with his girlfriend, well ex girlfriend, with Felix didn’t weird him out. His chest felt tight thinking of kissing Felix but not with discomfort, with excitement. 

“Oh my god, I like my best friend.” Jisung whispered to himself.

He tried his best not to think about it but after four days of going to bed and waking up with nothing but Felix on his mind he had to see what the other boy thought. He hinted, he threatened, he teased Felix with ideas of being with another guy. They played what if and Jisung took his chance to ask almost out right.

“What if a guy asked you out, a guy you knew for a long time, a friend that you like already, would you try dating him?”

“I mean, I’m not gay so I would probably say no.” Felix laughed it off, eyes glued to the tv and the racing game they were playing.

“Ha, right, yeah, same.” Jisung felt like all the air leave his lungs.

That’s when he started to distract himself, saying yes to the first girl that asked him out. Holding the relationship for at least a month before moving on. He tried, he really did try to like the girls he dated, but they were no Felix. Felix was sunshine and soft hands and the girls weren’t him.

_ Felix isn’t interested so find someone else, get over it. _

Jisung realized that he probably wouldn’t find someone to fall for in place of Felix. He decided it best to just find distractions, keep himself busy hoping the feelings would be pushed out over time. He started to say yes to any girl that asked and even asked a few strangers if they would like company for the night. There was a new girl in his bed each week. He barely hung out with Felix any more, too busy distracting himself from that golden hair and those sparkling eyes. 

But it wasn’t working.

He realized that living together wasn’t helping the matter, but he couldn’t just move out, he didn’t have it in him. Felix would have to kick him out; he could leave if Felix asked him to but not before. He started flaunting the girls he was with, choosing to have them over when Felix was sure to be home, staying in the living room or dining room forcing him to interact with the girls. 

He was having dinner with a girl named Tanya, someone he had met the day, before when he heard the front door. He set down his glass and wiped his face as Felix came around the corner to announce he was home and Jisung could see it, Felix was angry. Jisung could see it in the set of his shoulders as he entered the room, the way he didn’t show his teeth when he smiled and shook the girls hand. He picked up his glass and shot the last gulp of his wine as Felix turned to him. 

_ This is it,  _ Jisung thought, _ he is going to yell at me. We will fight and he will ask me to leave and I will. I will leave and he can go back to being sunshine and we can make up later but the distance will reset our friendship and everything will go back to how it was. _

“I’m going to take a shower then go to bed, it was a long day.” He said, his eyes looking through Jisung.

It took Jisung a second to hear him. He was so sure he was going to yell at him but maybe he didn’t want to make a scene in front of Tanya.

“Okay, night man!”

“Nice meeting you Felix!” Tanya called as he left the room. 

Jisung felt like throwing up. He had put all of his energy towards all the things he was planning to say to Felix, but that didn’t happen. He slumped back in his chair, looking down at the wine glass still in his hand. 

“You okay?” Tanya asked, reaching over to comfort him. 

“Uh, no my stomach isn’t really happy with the food, or maybe it was too much wine.” Jisung laughed dryly. 

“Okay, is there anything I can get you?”

“No. No, um, I think it would be best if you leave. I am going to go lay down.”

Without another word, Jisung pushed back from the table and went to his room, leaving Tanya to let herself out. They never talked again.

Jisung was tired. He didn’t have it in him to distract himself this week, he even called into work. He walked to the store and bought as much soju as he could afford and settled into the couch in his sweats and hoodie. The first sip burned as it slid down his throat, but by the second bottle Jisung was so numb he didn’t even notice, lazily singing alone to Day6 as he stalked Felix’s Instagram. It felt like he was only there for an hour, but by bottle five Felix had made it home from work. Jisung pulled back into himself and flicked to his regular Insta feed so he wouldn’t get caught. 

"Hey, where's your girlfriend?" Felix asked.

"Don't have one." Jisung said without looking up.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Felix asked, plopping down on the couch next to him. 

He grabbed the bottle from Jisung, their fingers brushing. Jisung watched the bottle with morbid fascination as it made its way to Felix’s lips.

"Sure."

They watched a couple movies, Jisung careful to not talk about anything important, just small comments on the scenes playing out on the screen like always, but he couldn’t stop himself from leaning onto Felix’s shoulder. He was so warm. He took a deep breath before looking up at Felix. The other boy was fast asleep. Jisung sighed, wanting nothing more than lean over and kiss the boy awake, but he didn’t. Felix was his friend, he had said he wouldn’t like that right? So Jisung took to snuggling closer, head on his shoulder, arm snaking around Felix’s waist hugging him just a little closer, just for right now.  
  


Jisung was late to work. His thoughts of Felix more present than before. It had been four days and he knew he had to do something about it, so he found a girl and spent the night at her house, not thinking about how far from work he was. He got a warning as soon as he arrived, his second warning that month for the same thing. He was on thin ice. 

Later that night the same girl asked if he was up for round two, his place this time so he wouldn't be late for work. Jisung caught a glimpse of Felix out for lunch with his work friends and agreed. They did have fun the other night. A few days passed and he was alone again, Felix’s arm around his shoulders pulling him into his side as they flipped through Netflix. Jisung let his head rest on Felix’s chest, relaxing into the others hold. He wasn’t quite sure how, but these cuddle sessions between girls became a regular occurrence. Felix would see him alone on the couch and take it upon himself to pull Jisung close. He tried not to read too much into it, especially when Felix started to act different. He wasn’t taking as much any more. If Jisung brought a girl home, Felix would wordlessly go to his room; he had taken to wearing his headphones more often than not and didn’t answer when Jisung knocked at his door. 

A few days went by before Felix cuddled up to him again, Jisung was on the couch per usual when Felix got home. He wiggled the remote at him and Felix took out his earbuds and sat down with him. It was cold and they didn’t have heavy blankets anywhere but their beds, so Jisung suggested binge watching Supernatural in his room. Felix agreed. Jisung wished he wouldn’t have asked. His sheets smelled like Felix the next morning. Jisung's heart ached as buried his face in Felix’s pillow, breathing him in. He didn’t realize that he fell back asleep until it was too late. He grabbed his phone to call in to work to let them know he was running behind when he saw he had a message. It was from his boss.

_ “Don’t bother coming in. Return your uniform tomorrow and pick up your final check.” _

He knew this was going to happen sooner or later, he was just hoping for the latter. His phone dinged letting him know he had a text. It was a the girl who had made him late the week before.

_ “Hey, wanna chill?”  _

_ Why not,  _ Jisung thought. 

_ “Sure. Come on over.” _

She came over and they sat on the couch listening to music. She kept asking questions about random things, dragging out the time before doing what she really came here for. 

“Who’s books? Do you read these?” She asked turning a stack of Felix’s old textbooks.

Jisung grunted in response, not caring about anything at the moment. He had his resume pulled up, updating what he could so he could have it ready for the applications he was going to fill out tomorrow. Felix got home just then, stomping past the living room and slamming his bedroom door. 

“Was that your roommate? Wow, he’s rude.”

“He’s probably tired of all the girls.” Jisung muttered without thinking.

“What do you mean 'all the girls'?”

“Look, do you want to do what you actually came here for or not?” Jisung asked not looking away from his phone.

“I think I am going to go.” She said, and that was that.

Jisung could no longer distract himself. He laid off the hook ups and focused on making rent that month, his final check barely covering half. Jisung was struggling. He applied to places he thought he would enjoy first, but he didn’t even get call backs. He reworked his resume and even applied for the jobs he knew he would hate, like mail delivery. No one would hire him. He had countless emails of rejection. The day to pay his half of the rent was fast approaching and Jisung couldn’t even get an under the table job a construction site. He looked at the measly cash in his hand and felt the last bit of dignity leave him.

_ I wanted him to hate me right? Not paying rent and drinking my money, that would do it. _

Jisung bought enough soju to last him a week, the store clerk joking about going to his house for the party. Jisung smiled and laughed with the man, not wanting anyone to know that this was all for him, that he was buying his feelings and drinking them instead of shaping up and dealing with his problems; no, this was easier.

He rarely left his room now. He cranked the music and worked his way through each bottle slowly. He filled out online job applications every other bottle, not needing to see the keys as he typed the same words over and over again. He didn’t know what day it was or what time it was. At one point he went through his entire closet, considering selling the few clothes he had just to buy more alcohol, trying them all on to see which he would miss the least. He spent most of his time sleeping and, after the speaker died, listening to sad songs with his headphones. He didn’t hear or see Felix since he stomped past him a few weeks ago, or has it been longer than that? Jisung didn’t know. He knew he was running out of bottles though.

It was quiet. The common areas just as he left them save for the remote and the few glasses by the sink. It looked to be about eight in the morning when Jisung had emerged from his room, having finished the last bottle of soju the night before, the weight of his situation settling on his body. He went back to his room and shut himself in. Sitting at his desk, he checked his email and scrolled through more job openings. He was so tired. He didn’t know what else he could do to get work and he missed Felix, god did he miss Felix. There was a small knock on his door and Jisung laid his head down on his desk, too tired to handle all the emotions he was feeling; too tired to answer.

"Hey, Jisung? You home?"

Jisung stayed quiet as his tears filled his eyes, willing Felix to go to his own room; but he didn’t. The door and the other made his way over to him.

"Jisung?"

Jisung could hear the worry in Felix’s voice. He lifted his head and turned to look at him, not wanting him to worry about someone as pathetic as himself. He tried to smile before the tears spilled over. He turned and crumpled into himself. Felix’s arms were around him in seconds, his small hands rubbing his back. He tried to push him away but Felix was stronger than him; he held him for a long time.

“Have you eaten today?” Felix asked.

Jisung shook his head, his tears dying down.

“Okay, how about this, you go take a shower, rinse off some of this… well, alcohol, and I’ll make some ramen.”

Jisung didn’t say anything as he got up to head towards the bathroom. He avoided the mirror as he stripped and turned the water on. He stood there for a long time, letting the heat consume him and his feelings, trying to clear his head. He slowly washed himself and stepped out. At some point Felix must have checked on him because there was a fresh pair of clothes on the sink. He pulled the items on one by one, noticing that only the boxers were his, the shirt and sweats were Felix’s. He stepped out of the bathroom and headed to his room. It smelled. The bottles were gone, his clothes piled next to his already filled hamper and his bed was stripped.

_ I can’t sleep there _ , he thought as he stared at the bare mattress.

He heard Felix walk up behind him.

“I can’t sleep here.” Jisung said, his voice rough from crying.

“I put your sheet in the wash, they should be clean in a few hours, but for now, come to my room to eat and you can sleep with me for the night.” Felix said, grabbing Jisung’s wrist and carefully pulling him to his room. 

Jisung hesitated before he crawled into Felix’s bed. Felix handed him his ramen once he was settled and turned on the tv. It was quiet while they ate, but his thoughts needed to be shared, Felix needed to know that he couldn’t make his rent this month not to mention Jisung couldn’t sleep in here, not with Felix, not without him knowing how he felt. 

“I lost my job.” Jisung said, staring down into his bowl.

“When?”

Jisung started tearing up, his emotions rushing back, crushing his chest.

“It’s been three weeks.” Jisung said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You will find another job. Don’t let it get in your head man. It will all work out.” 

Felix reached over and gently patted Jisung’s shoulder, his hand running across Jisung’s back as he leaned him into a side hug.

“I can’t make rent this month.” Jisung’s voice broke as his tears spilled down his cheeks.

“It’s okay, I can cover this month. It’s not like you haven’t covered for me before.”

There was a short silence as Jisung tried to control his breathing.

“Thank you.” Jisung nodded, wiping his eyes. 

Felix took the bowls to the kitchen when they were done and crawled back into bed next to Jisung, pulling him to him in a tight hug.    


“Things will work out Sungie, I promise.”

Jisung tensed at the nic name. It hurt to think this might be the last time he heard it from his friend and he cried some more. Felix held on tighter and Jisung felt him shift before feeling small pressure on his head. His heart clenched painfully in his chest as he worked up the courage to tell his best friend his feelings. Jisung took a deep breath when he felt Felix rest his head on his own. He curled up into a ball, pulling into himself and away from Felix.

"I'm sorry." Jisung whispered.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Felix replied.

“I shouldn’t have treated you the way I have been lately.”

“What do you mean?” Felix asked, sounding confused.

“The girls.” Jisung breathed.

“Oh, it’s no problem. Although I think you should try out a long term relationship. Actually get to know who you are dating, but that’s just me.”

Jisung’s stomach flipped in his stomach. He had to tell him, he had to say it all.

“They were just a distraction. I thought it would help but it didn’t.”

“Distraction from what?”

“You.” Jisung spoke the word as fast as he could. He felt Felix’s arms tighten around him. 

“Me.”

Jisung took in a shaky breath, looking down at his hands.

“I like you. I have liked you since we moved in together. I thought it was just a crush and I would get over it, but no matter who I was with, I kept thinking about you. I kept wondering what you were doing or who you were with. I tried to not like you, I really did, but I really like you. I’m sorry.” Jisung rushed the words out, his tears hitting the blanket under him at a steady pace.

He felt Felix shift next to him, his hand was still rubbing his back. Before he understood what was happening Felix’s hand was on his cheek, fingers hooked beneath his jaw as he tilted his head up to look into Jisung’s eyes. He was smiling. Jisung was taken aback looking into those perfect sunshine filled eyes. 

"I like you back. And I am not sorry."

Jisung’s breath caught as Felix leaned in and lightly kissed him on the lips, all of his fears and worry disappearing, he would be okay, he would make it though.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> comments always appreciated <3


End file.
